First there's the carhop working out of a steamer trunk covered with travel stickers. Then there's the koi fish for your room if you need a pet. Actually, the Monaco wouldn't think of depriving you of your own pet. Dog walkers and dog sitters can be summoned.

Entering this 1910 beaux-arts building and spotting a circular blue velvet settee with masses of flowers and orchids, you begin to know that you're in for a treat. The reception desk is another rendition of a Louis Vuitton steamer trunk. Then a soaring two-story inglenook fireplace, domed skylights and murals of hot air balloons adorn the lobby.

A sweeping marble stairway with a bronze filigree railing is perfect for the dramatic entrance. In case this seems too serious, a flying blond nude who is surrounded by golden stars on a midnight blue background is the object of a colossal painting at the head of the stairs.

Waking in my suite, I was struck by how lovely it was not to be surrounded by standard-issue hotel stuff. Stripes, florals, prints and lots of draped fabric mix well with the interesting furniture and great lamps. Actually, as lamp connoisseur, I believe I will award my (just created) "Lamp of the Year Award" to the Monaco.

Mediterranean colors, classic Greek architecture, deco, Chinese, Asian, and South American elements are stirred together by a master mixer, designer Cheryl Rowley. It makes for a decor with zing and it works.

Rowley says she was aiming for the overall effect of staying in the home of a well-traveled (and well-heeled) collector. This, indeed, does describe my suite: sophisticated and savvy, but with an irreverent side.

As for the bath, it's one lovely step up to the wading-pool size Jacuzzi. (Surely there should be signs about supervising children.) The vanity is a sideboard with its top replaced by a sink. There's a shower for those who would like to bathe in less than one hour and all the frou-frou one needs: bath oil, a hair dryer, coffee maker and bathrobes. This place is wired. We have a TV in both rooms. We can access Web TV (i.e. get to the World Wide Web) TV using the remote control, albeit agonizingly slowly. We can also play Nintendo, watch movies or even TV. We have 3 phones (two of which have two lines,) a CD player, a video player and a fax machine. You could just stay here and play with the techno toys. Kids would love this place.

Feeling spiritual? The top drawer of the bedside table offers The Teachings of Buddha along with Gideon's.

A smallish workout room downstairs has Stairmasters, walking machines, weights and the like. A sauna, a steam bath and a 10-person hot tub backed by a work of deco etched glass provides the perfect finish, or you can skip the workout and just soak. The Monaco is a couple of blocks from Union Square. It is near San Francisco's major theaters and some great restaurants.

And, my dear, I can assure you, you can shop till you drop. The Monaco will come to your rescue. Their Material Girl Package includes goodies for your feet, stomach and soul. When the Monaco was still the Bellevue Hotel and the Bellevue was the place to be seen, one could make a truly dramatic entrance down the grand staircase straight into the columned ballroom. Today, the ballroom is THE GRAND CAFÉ.

Here's what I loved: A hotel that doesn't take itself seriously, but takes you seriously-how grand!

The Monaco Hotel – Don't miss the Monaco's own site. It's fun.

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Theater Information – Theater schedules and locations.